| It's quiet in the house as I sit down to an early | | | | women's clothes and household knickknacks. She |
| breakfast watching the TV news, a favorite book | | | | drags me through the stores looking for bargains, |
| readied by me side for the commercials. A faint | | | | exchanging the items she bought last week for |
| noise from above and a slithery sound on the | | | | new ones. She asks my opinion on wall sconces, |
| stairs sibnals the premature arrival of my spouse, | | | | sweater sets, cooking pots, flower arrangements |
| ready to do battle. 'Good mornings' are followed | | | | and glassware. My priorities are strictly based on |
| by a crashing a cacophony from the direction of | | | | function and quality. Her priorities are exact |
| the dishwasher which is being emptied. Then sink | | | | matching shades of color, how it will fit in with the |
| sounds plow through the air to my sensitive ears, | | | | other ten thousand knickknacks, and whether the |
| completely covering the breaking news. the | | | | store will take it back.Soon I find myself three |
| message in this performance is that there is a lot | | | | steps behind, finding places to sit down, getting |
| of work to do today and I had beter help her do | | | | into conversations with the sales people and |
| it. I counter by mentioning al the things I had | | | | mimicking E.T. saying "Home". A remark that she |
| already performed to no avail. I suggest that she | | | | never goes shopping with me to Sears Hardware |
| make out a list of projects waiting to be done but | | | | or Crazy Max's Electronic Wonderland is met with |
| get only a long harangue on how the last list she | | | | a blank stare, a half smile, and a look that means |
| made twenty years ago was half crossed off and | | | | an out-of-hand dismissal of the idea. The only |
| the other half ignored. What a memory!I have | | | | saving of the day is a nice coffee and yogurt |
| become adept at pattering on conversationally to | | | | break in the middle.Through all the variations of |
| a stony face and buttoned lips. The meaning | | | | meaningful looks, reminders of past mistakes and |
| contained in this feminine language translates that | | | | silent treatments, the expression I see on her |
| I have said or done something completely | | | | face of pure happiness when presented with an |
| unsympathetic or have not done something | | | | unexpected bouquet of flowers or a needed |
| supportive to her cause. I usually try to jump | | | | chore done while she was last minute food |
| over this lack of communication by announcing | | | | shopping for guests makes her secret language all |
| the start of a new project dear to her heart, | | | | worth while.Next year we'll be married for 40 |
| hoping that the real cause of her silence will reveal | | | | years. I've been in love with the same woman all |
| itself.An offer to go shopping with her brings on a | | | | that time. No, not great - if my wife finds out, |
| instant happy response, in spite of the knowledge | | | | she'll kill me. Just kidding. |
| of my notoriously short attention span toward | | | | |