When a Parent has WLS: What to Tell Our Chubby Children

We know that children are becoming obese at anpizza deliveries and "super-size" is off limits. Diane
alarming rate. We know fat kids become fatand Cathy have identified that they are emotional
adults. We know that obesity is the secondeaters. Now they are talking about their negative
leading cause of preventable death in this county.emotions rather than fostering them with
We know that obese children will be faced withhigh-calorie, high-fat out-of-control eating. They
huge health risks that will compromise their qualityare working to improve physical fitness as well,
of life as adults. We know that obese children arewalking together three nights a week. Diane
the target of hate and ridicule by other children.doesn't want bariatric surgery to be Cathy's last
We know that fat children are shunned by theirand only hope. "I want to make things better for
peers. And we know it is the parent'sher, I don't want her to suffer like I did all those
responsibility to make sure their children do notyears. I want to correct what I've done wrong
become obese dooming them to lifetime ofby feeding her too much of the wrong things. I
disease, heartache and suffering.don't want her to go through surgery. "
One of the most painful things about obesity isCathy has reluctantly made lifestyle changes along
we seem to get it from our parents and pass itwith her parents. After three months of
along to our children. I know a woman, Diane, whoimproved eating habits and exercising she is down
could not celebrate her bariatric success because10 pounds. Her BMI is 39, she started at 41, just
she had a teenage daughter who came homeat the cusp of qualifying for surgery. Dad has
from school day after day to hug a giant pillowjoined the fight against fat as well. He's lost
and cry - her classmates called her "Fatty-Cathy".almost 20 pounds. "I'm proud of her," said Diane,
Cathy is fat, or as her parents like to call her"and I tell her everyday. I think we are getting
"stout." Racked with guilt Diane asked "How in thecloser. I want so much to save her from feeling
world can I celebrate my weight loss when mythe pain."
own daughter is suffering? I feel pretty guiltyWe know that children are copycats: they are
about it. I'm her mother. I have fed her andmore likely to do what their parents do, not what
taught her bad eating habits. I've actually writtentheir parents tell them to do. Given that, Cathy's
notes to excuse her from physical educationparents are doing the right thing for her by
classes. I gave her my genetic background, then Iadopting a new family lifestyle that will ultimately
made the worst of it."improve the quality of life for all of them. Bad
As if "normal" teen-parent relationships aren'teating habits are not impossible to break and
difficult enough, imagine having a mother besideexercise is not impossible to incorporate into our
herself with guilt and a daughter angry and jealousdaily lives. Diane's surgery was simply the catalyst
over her mother's weight loss. When I askedthis family needed to overhaul years of
Cathy how she felt about her mother's newdestructive habits.
figure and improved health she was angry. SheCathy's parents have realized, by way of their
said, "How do you think I feel? She is wearing theown health crises, that eating is one of the most
cute clothes my friends wear and I have to orderfundamental health-related behaviors that can be
fat lady clothes from a catalog. I wear my dad'scontrolled. They are working together to improve
old raincoat because we couldn't find a cute coatthe quality of life for the entire family.
in my size. How do you think I feel?" she wept.As for the emotional issues: Diane's guilt and
Even though she has pleaded earnestly to haveCathy's jealousy; they are doing their best to
surgery, Cathy's parents are strongly opposed towork through those issues on their own. But
the 16-year-old having bariatric surgery. TheyDiane admits it is stressful at times and family
believe the family can learn from Diane's life-longcounseling may be in order. "Years down the road
battle with obesity and make small steps toI don't want us to be a mother and daughter who
improve Cathy's health, ultimately resulting innever speak to each other because we didn't
weight loss.resolve these issues. I think there is a chance
They are cooking healthy meals together andhere for us to become closer."
monitoring portion sizes. They are learning to readCopyright © 2005 Kaye Bailey - All Rights
nutritional labels. There are no more late nightReserved.