| If you're a woman who tends to over think and | | | | or, I think, the possibility of rejection, so like many |
| over analyze (and let's face it...what woman | | | | women do, she veered her story toward the |
| doesn't?) I want to advise you when it's | | | | negative. |
| appropriate to do so about men: N-E-V-E-R! | | | | So I played along and suggested alternative |
| Oh how we love to dwell in conversations with | | | | stories. What if his daughter is ill or has passed? |
| ourselves about all kinds of fascinating things. Is | | | | Maybe he wore casual clothes because men often |
| he attracted to me, what will I do if he does | | | | feel this initial meeting isn't a formal date; he waits |
| does not call, what signal was he trying to send | | | | to impress on the real first date. Maybe he didn't |
| when he did this/didn't do that, what did he really | | | | drink because he wanted to keep his wits and |
| mean when he said...? | | | | make the best possible impression. |
| There's an inherent problem with this scenario | | | | I explain that men think very differently than us; |
| ladies: we are often absent actual information or | | | | it's futile to try to guess what they're thinking. We |
| evidence, so we merely invent it. After all, we | | | | need to always make room for the reality that |
| can't possibly carry on our conversation unless we | | | | often we can't even imagine what's on their |
| fill in those pesky little blanks! | | | | minds. We need to ask them; the proper way. |
| This came up yesterday as I was talking with my | | | | The way that men respond to. |
| coaching client, Nancy. She used a Date 911 | | | | I asked her if she had a nice time; was he a nice |
| coupon and we talked as she was arriving home | | | | man? Yes. Then, a few more questions, and |
| after her first date with a man she connected | | | | finally...after a deep sigh she says "well, I'd go out |
| with on | | | | with him again but I don't think he'll call; I think I |
| She gave me a detailed account of the | | | | sent him the 'I'm not interested vibe'". |
| he-said-she-said." She asked me why I thought he | | | | Uh...oops. Opportunity missed. |
| seemed to avoid talking about his daughter; do I | | | | These mental gymnastics can lead you to a make |
| think they are estranged? Why I thought he wore | | | | believe world from which you may never escape. |
| such casual clothes; wasn't that disrespectful? | | | | I don't have empirical proof, but I bet this is one |
| Why he ordered soda and not wine; is he an | | | | of the top reasons dating never moves to a |
| alcoholic? And finally...do I think he was interested? | | | | relationship. |
| She had decided he was just another guy who | | | | Dating is hard enough. There are real challenges. |
| wasn't for her. She was disappointed, but thought | | | | Don't make it harder by spending time and |
| it was "okay, because he probably wasn't going to | | | | energy on what doesn't exist. |
| call her anyway." | | | | Take in everything you can from every |
| What's the answer to all her questions? Beats the | | | | experience. Accept that it takes time to get to |
| heck out of me. I have no idea. | | | | know someone. Learn to communicate with men, |
| What I do know is that Nancy was spinning out | | | | including how and when to ask questions. Train |
| of control. She was over thinking and trying to | | | | yourself to recognize when you know something |
| read his mind. This wasn't analysis...it was | | | | versus when you've made it up. |
| imagination. | | | | You will never master reading men's minds...but |
| Nancy was exhausting herself in an attempt to fill | | | | you can master quieting yours. |
| in the blanks. She couldn't live with the mystery | | | | |